Learning to Say Yes

Beginning in April, a central theme of my YAGM experience has involved understanding the principle of accompaniment.  Accompaniment, I was told, is the foundation for intercultural relationships, particularly through the Lutheran Church.  Instead of establishing relationships based on “us” and “them,” accompaniment calls on YAGM to walk with his or her host community, forming relationships built on solidarity, respect, and mutuality.  To me, that sounded like a lot of buzzwords that really only said to walk humbly, love much, and go with the flow.

In August, I began to add specifics to my fuzzy definition of accompaniment.  Many Global Missions staff and YAGM alumni mentioned that one of the most important facets of accompaniment was simply saying yes as often as you can-especially when entering a new culture.  Say yes to everything-invitations to dinner, encouragement to join a church choir, requests to proofread documents, opportunities to visit someone’s home, chances to play soccer.  This all seemed well and good, and even began to make the relationships I would start to establish in the coming weeks seem tangible.  Despite all this, I didn’t truly begin to grasp what saying yes meant until I arrived in Maphumulo.

I was somewhat surprised that my first conversations with my hosts and co-workers at the church center in Maphumulo all contained a similar theme: how to accept their welcome.  In addition to being reassured countless times that I would learn a great deal of isiZulu by the next July, I was also told the basic rules of Maphumulo hospitality.  Zulu people, my new friends told me, will always offer you something to eat or drink when you visit their homes.  This wasn’t exactly new information; many cultures express hospitality by sharing food with guests.  My new friends invariably went on to say something I thought obvious: don’t decline when offered food or drink.  I mentally filed this bit of advice away, thinking confidently to myself that duh, of course I would be cognizant enough to accept hospitality when offered to me in the form of food and drink. 

I soon realized, however, that mentally acknowledging something and putting it into practice are two very different things.  The first time I entered someone’s home and was offered my choice of beverage, I immediately thought, “I don’t want to be a burden, so I’ll just say a polite no-thank you.”  Twenty seconds later I caught my mistake and started kicking myself.  I had never realized how ingrained in my psyche the need to be independent and to not cause extra work for anyone else was.  The more I thought about it, I realized that at home I declined hospitality more often than I accepted it.  How very strange that it took a flight to South Africa to realize something so simple.

My internal struggle against accepting what I always assume is extra work for someone else has continued over the last few weeks.  Similarly, I have caught myself hesitating before accepting other invitations or opportunities because I don’t want to interfere with what surely is a well-oiled machine.  Over-rationalizing, while an excellent virtue in chess, is not always as beneficial in real life.  Fortunately, my blunders in matters concerning hospitality are easily mended by conversations.  The best of these conversations seem to have risen from noted differences between my culture and that of my hosts.  Conversations, just like flying to South Africa, have an incredible way of exposing notions and preconceptions of mine that I have never before realized.  Similarly, I have already experienced how my language barrier and the level at which my friends (often secondary school students) translate for me affects what I think about certain situations.  As a result, having a conversation with a different person about the same event provides an entirely new perspective.  The importance of observing, thinking, and asking questions is essential, but I would never have a chance to do any of these things without first consciously saying yes as opportunities and experiences present themselves.